As a kid, everyone is asked what they want to be when they grow up. When I was in first grade, my answer was stand-up comedian. I had some high-minded view of comedy and the effect that it had on people. I know that this answer was inspired by my family and our constant, if unspoken of, competition to be the funniest and have the last joke. Well I'm no comedian and I don't think I ever will be. Let's call that failure #1 in what is a long list of failed dreams and attempts to find success.
So if someone asked me today what I wanted to be if I could be anything, what would I say? Well if my boss is asking me, I say I want to be an engineer for the rest of my life. But if I answer honestly, I find it hard to find an answer I am willing to stand behind. You see, I'm too afraid of failing at whatever career or dream I might say to actually commit to it and try for it. But lately, if I had to say something, I would say that I want to be a writer. So I'm going to write, fully intending to fail. And who knows, I might just find a glimmer of success somewhere along the way. And for now, the failure will rain from the skies in short, uninspired snippets of fiction.
One last item before we begin. A real writer once said,
"Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot."
And Mr. Twain's words capture my opinion of your opinions and apathy perfectly.
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Fred stood in front of the crowded banquet hall, waiting to begin his speech. The emcee was saying something to the gathered mass of industry professionals, but Fred couldn't pay attention to that right now. Fred was fighting the butterflies that threatened his composure before this important moment. Images of his note cards raced through his mind, each of their important points popping off the imaginary page for a moment before disappearing.
The emcee finished his remarks and announced the next speaker, "And without further ado, I have the distinct pleasure of introducing our keynote speaker, Dr. Fred Matthews!" The emcee stepped back from the microphone and joined in the polite applause that accompanied Fred's walk to the podium.
"Thank you. You're very kind. As you know, I am Fred Matthews and I'm here to talk to you about methods of reducing transplant rejection in children and young adults," Fred began. He found that once his speech had started, the audience paid more attention to the content of his presentation than his particular style or public speaking ability. With his lowered stress level, the note cards in his mind passed slowly reminding him of each point he needed to make.
Fifteen minutes later, Fred was wrapping up his remarks and eagerly anticipating stepping off of the stage. His final note card was hanging in his mind and he read from the last line, "And that summarizes the emerging methods in transplant acceptance. Again, I am Fred Matthews, and it has been a pleasure to speak to you today. Thank you." Fred felt the emcee approaching the microphone and he turned to walk off stage. The emcee stopped Fred and requested another round of applause for the Doctor. Fred gave one last polite wave to the crowd and continued his journey off stage.
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